Connecting Cross Country

Friend #194: Megan
Date and Location of Visit: Thursday, October 27, 2011, MadCap Coffee Company, Grand Rapids, MI
Known from: My best friend’s wedding
Last seen: 2002?

Megan is the little sister of my best friend’s husband, Dave, and of Facebook friend #186, Daniel.  She and I met when we were both bridesmaids in Dave’s wedding, and have been in touch off and on ever since.  Having grown up in northern Michigan and attended Michigan State, Megan now lives in Grand Rapids.  She was the perfect person to kick off my visits there with.  Having only lived in the city a short time, she knows a lot about it and was excited to show it off.  From the great coffee shop where we met, to the festivals she told me about, to our walk around town where she told me about many of the local landmarks, Megan oozed hospitality in such a lovely way.  Our explorations of the city eventually landed us at the “Visualize” mural:

This work of art was an entry into an annual arts festival which literally takes over the city as many entries are outdoor installations.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture with Megan, so this will be my visual reminder of my beautiful welcome into the city.

To see a bit more of Grand Rapids and enjoy some communal creativity, check out this video:

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Friend #193: Mike
Date and Location of Visit: Wednesday, October 26, 2011, Lavazza, Chicago, IL
Known from: VP Fair Band
Last seen: 1997ish?

So I’m about two months behind in updating on my visits, but here we go.  High school friend Mike and I met up for an afternoon cup of coffee in downtown Chicago.  Mike and I met in….wait for it….band!   We started playing together in a band that gathered students from area high schools for a 4th of July celebration in St. Louis under the Arch.  Mike played trumpet for another school in my district, so we continued to play in similar ensembles throughout high school, and we became pretty good friends.

I have to say that my visit with Mike was one of my most surprising visits.  In high school, I would have described Mike as confident, bordering on arrogant, sometimes a jerk.  But I also saw a kinder side of him when he was thoughtful and concerned about his friends.  I went into our visit with my guard up a bit, ready to banter back and forth.  But we sat down, and he was warm and kind and humble, and it was disarming, almost jarring to me.

After pursuing the arts in college, Mike landed in a career as a stock analyst for Morningstar, specializing in tech stocks.  In a career where expertise is based on conjecture and prediction, Mike’s confidence is key, but it also seems to have challenged him and humbled him.  So has fatherhood.  Mike’s daughter is growing up speaking Mandarin and English, which definitely keeps him on his toes.

I don’t typically “prepare” for these visits or go in with preconceived notions.  More often, I let the visit develop and form as it unfolds.  Having my guard up a bit made that difficult, mostly because I was deciding, based on experiences of Mike 15 years ago, what he was going to be like now.  It’s a pretty human impulse, I think, and if I want to keep being surprised, I should continue to make judgments in this way. But that’s probably not a good idea.  I’m glad I got the chance to sit down with Mike now and have some of those memories and notions overwritten by conversation and face-to-face interaction.  I went in expecting to be barraged with a list of Mike’s achievements, and what I got instead was a depth I wasn’t anticipating and a real sense of being known.  May we all not make the same mistakes and let our judgments interfere with our connections.

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I have been incredibly fortunate to have had minimal problems in my 24,550 miles on the road thus far.  My car broke down in Kenosha, Wisconsin over the summer.  I needed a new radiator in West Lafayette, Indiana this fall.  And then, perhaps the worst thing happened the other night.  I was in a gentrifying neighborhood of Washington, DC.  I remembered to cover all the stuff in my back seat with a towel.  But I forgot to take another critical step to secure my belongings.

The morning of New Year’s Eve, it was a beautiful morning in DC.  My friend had gotten a text saying it was like the opening sequence of The Sound of Music outside.  Excited to get a glimpse of it, we flung open the front door singing, “The hills are ali– oh *&X$@!”  Lil’ Blue’s window had been smashed in.  I had forgotten to take my GPS off the windshield, and someone decided they wanted it.

So that’s the bad news.  But the good news?  Even though my car was full of a good portion of my earthly belongings (thankfully my computer was in the apartment with me), they only took my GPS.  I still have a GPS on my smartphone, so I can still navigate all the unknown places I visit.  Using one of those mobile services, my window was fixed on site for under $200 less than 5 hours after we discovered it.  And given that it was such a beautiful day, it was actually quite pleasant not to have a window!

So I guess this is the worst thing that’s happened on the trip thus far, in terms of the car or safety or what not.  And if this is the worst that could happen, I still have a pretty awesome life.  I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I have to say that gratitude is a pretty powerful weapon, and I’d like to wield it a bit more in 2012.  Because if I do, what’s the worst that could happen?

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For the holidays.  Or if you wear kickin’ sparkly red pumps and live in Kansas.  Or if you’re me.

I took a brief hiatus from the trip to be home for the holidays in St. Louis, in the house I grew up in, the four walls I came home from the hospital to after I was born.  There is nothing that compares to the feeling I get when I’m in the space of my house.  I always feel a little bit tall, actually, because I spent so much of my time here as a shorter-than-5’6″ version of myself.  The floor creaks in all the same spots.  The grandfather clock reminds me that 15 more minutes have passed.  And I was treated to the sound of rain on the roof above my bedroom….one of the most comforting sounds my heart will ever know.

The main purpose for this visit (aside from that fact that a lot of people have plans around this time of year and wouldn’t be available to hang out) was our 24th annual Christmas Caroling party, which my family has held in our neighborhood the Monday before Christmas.  My mom started the tradition to cheer up a friend of hers who was having a hard time during the holidays.  Mom was a soprano to her friend’s alto, and they enjoyed singing together.  There’s actually an organization called the St. Louis Christmas Carols Association, which collects money for children’s charities in the area, and they give you cans to collect the money and song sheets and such.  Over the years, we’ve caroled in just about every kind of precipitation you can imagine and raised about $3000.  And of course, you can’t forget the treats and beverages that get set out every year: mini cheesecakes on silver platters and eggnog in a holly berry punch bowl.

This will be the last year that our family will host caroling in the neighborhood because my dad will be getting remarried and moving out of the house.  So as we circled the neighborhood in the pouring rain, I spent most of the evening lingering at my neighbors’ doors and visiting, many of them sharing memories of caroling or Mom or plans for the holidays.  One mom ran to get her teenage son saying, “I want my kids to know that people still do this in this country!”  This tradition has been such a pinnacle piece of my upbringing, instilling in me musicality (I first learned to hear and sing harmony parts by going caroling), generosity, community, hospitality, joy.

In the midst of a journey that has brought many a hello and goodbye, I was able to give a fond farewell to a beautiful tradition from my childhood.  I think that girl from Kansas was onto something: there really is no place like home.

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Days like today are why I love this journey.  I’m talking present tense now, like today, December 4th, 2011.  I’m in New York City, Harlem at the moment, and because of Facebook, I’m about to head to see a friend who would typically be in Tokyo, Japan.

Ann is a friend from high school (coolest name ever, right?), and in the course of the trip, I have visited several of our mutual friends.  She sent me a friend request a couple months ago, and I gladly accepted, mostly because she is awesome and only slightly because she lives in Tokyo, and I knew that Lil’ Blue and I wouldn’t be able to make it across the Pacific, so it wouldn’t add any stress or planning to my life.  I know that she’s been following along on the journey from some of her “Like”s on Facebook.  And wouldn’t you know, I was checking Facebook on my phone the other day, and I saw that Ann posted this:

“What I’ve done in preparation for our weekend in NYC: packed two umbrellas (talismans against rain), checked Wikipedia to see if Brooklyn is in Manhattan. It’s not.”

I responded with a comment: “I’m in NYC this weekend!”

Ann sent me a message with her contact info, and wouldn’t you know, we’re meeting at the tree at Rockefeller Center in less than an hour.  She lives in Japan.  I live in LA.  And we’re meeting in New York City.

This is one of the things I love most about Facebook–an opportunity to connect that would otherwise have gone unknown. I’ve had this type of thing happen on multiple occasions.  In fact, the same thing happened 3 years ago (almost to the day!) with a couple I’m seeing later today.  Wen and Justin live in New York but were coming out to LA.  Wen contacted me on Facebook to see if I still lived there and if I wanted to get together.  And I did.  So we did.

The brunch I had with Wen and Justin was the first time I’d seen someone in person as a result of a connection on Facebook.  The trip had already been an inkling in my mind, but they were the first manifestation of how great connecting in person could be.  My moments with Wen and Justin served as an inspiration and benchmark that have continued to fuel the flame of what this trip could be to this very day.  And it’s all happening because of Facebook.  And because Ann and Wen and Justin and I are all people who want to connect in person.  And because I have just about the awesome-est life anyone could ask for right now.

Gotta go catch my train to Rockefeller!

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Friend #192: Lisa
Date and Location of Visit: Tuesday, October 25, 2011, Maya del Sol, Oak Park, IL
Known from: High school marching band
Last seen: 1996

I met up with high school friend Lisa at a restaurant that was going to be featured on the local Chicago PBS program “Check, Please!” later that week….I’m glad we got in when we did because I’m sure had it been the following week, there would have been a huge wait.  Watch the video here. Maya del Sol in Oak Park had wonderful drinks and food.  And the company was wonderful!  Lisa was so warm and so enthusiastic about the trip.  And it was great catching up.

Lisa had a bit of an edge to her in high school, and as she would say, it took her awhile to find her way, but now she’s landed in such a great spot–as the school counselor at an all-girls high school.  She was in the midst of writing college recommendations for the seniors when we met, and since she’s the only counselor, she writes the letters for every single girl.  I can see her being the type of counselor that wouldn’t pull any punches if need be because she’s been around the block and has probably cooked up a good scheme or two in her own right.  But I also believe (and my beliefs were confirmed by the stories she told) that she’s the type of person who the girls just walk into her office and pour their hearts out to her.  Lisa did a lot of searching and eventually found her way, and that search left her very centered and settled in herself, which makes her the perfect person to provide guidance to meandering high school girls in the midst of life’s journey.  I can attest that she is so easy to be around that I completely lost track of time and became late to my next visit!

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Friend #191: Jessica
Date and Location of Visit: Wednesday, October 26, 2011, Symphony Cafe, Evanston, IL
Known from: Junior high and high school
Last seen: November 2007

Jessica and I met on a cold and windy day in Evanston, home of Northwestern University.  Jessica and I met in junior high, and we only had one class together in the entirety of our high school careers: freshman English with Mrs. Newyear.  Every year, Jessica would sign my yearbook saying, “I hope we have classes together next year,” and we never did.

We had a lot of common friends and I saw her when the winds would join the orchestra, but what really bonded us was one memorable phone conversation.  Jessica and I were both officers in Tri-M Music Honor Society (like National Honor Society, but for people in band, orchestra, or choir).  We were having a Tri-M related conversation, but somewhere in the midst of it, we decided to hang out at least once a month for all of senior year.  And we did.  And the foundation for a lifelong friendship was laid.  We visited each other in college.  I visited her once she moved to Chicago.  And though we lost touch in more recent years, I have never doubted our ability to pick up right where we left off.

Jessica is a kindred spirit in so many ways.  She so highly values friendships, which makes her an easy person to connect with.  I remember conversations where we denounced the decline of communication from birthday phone calls to birthday text messages (so we make sure to call each other to say Happy Birthday).  And now, we all resort to posting on each other’s Facebook walls.  I knew if there was anyone who would appreciate my desire to connect face-to-face with my Facebook friends, it would be Jessica.

And she has found a wonderful niche for her connection skills as the Associate Pastor of Northminster Presbyterian Church in Evanston.  She is often the first point of contact for a family coming to the church, and there couldn’t be a better person for the job.  She also preaches (which is perfect for one of our high school graduation speakers), and she is the liaison the bulk of the church’s global work.  All this along with being a wife and mother.

There is a faithfulness to Jessica’s friendship and a solidness that doesn’t waver.  I know that if I were stranded in Timbuktu and hers was the only phone number I had, it wouldn’t matter how long it had been, I could call and she would do whatever she could to help.  But I have a feeling we’ll have a few phone conversations in the meantime.

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Friend #190: Heather
Date and Location of Visit: Tuesday, October 25, 2011, Freshii, Chicago, IL
Known from: Preschool through high school
Last seen: November 2007

Heather is my second oldest friend.  We met when we were 3 years old in preschool and were in elementary school and girl scouts together.  We lived in the same neighborhood and would ride bikes to each other’s houses.  Heather always had a lot more Barbies than I did, so I liked playing at her house.  And her mom made amazing chocolate chip cookies (a different recipe from the one on the back of the Toll House package).

Heather and I had a heck of a time meeting up.  My train was delayed and then I wandered around the wrong block looking for the restaurant where we said we’d meet.  My landmark was that our lunch spot was across from a Jimmy John’s sandwich shop.  Who knew that there would be Jimmy John’s in the same spot on the block on two different blocks one block apart.  Plus, the roads were Madison and Monroe, and I always get those old “M” presidents mixed up anyway.  By the time I got there, Heather had already left, and we were only corresponding by Facebook message.  It was quite an ordeal.  BUT, we eventually did find each other and had a few brief moments to chat.

I last saw Heather at our 10-year reunion, where we talked about the joys and trials of life in Los Angeles, where she and her husband lived for a few years before moving to Chicago.  Heather is an attorney who works long hours for a big firm downtown. She’s good at what she does, but the work presents it’s challenges.  I really wish we had had more time together because we so identified with each other’s place in life, but we were coming from completely opposite perspectives: her with a firmly established career and me with just a bunch of jobs strung together.  And sitting across from Heather and looking at her face, which has been a part of my memories for 30 years, there is a comfort in the presence of an old friend, no matter how much time passes or distance separates us.  She will always be one of the first people I ever called friend.

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Friend #189: Carrie
Date and Location of Visit: Monday, October 24, 2011 at The French Market, Chicago, IL
Known from: Elementary School
Last seen: November 2007

After our morning coffee, Emily dropped me off at the French Market, adjacent to the train station in downtown Chicago, where I met elementary school friend Carrie for lunch.  Carrie was the youngest sibling in her family and the only girl, so she was a tomboy growing up.  She was always good at sports, except for the season of time when she broke her collar bone.  I can still call to mind the brace she had to wear way back when.

Carrie has recently moved to Chicago from St. Louis, but she was making frequent trips back to watch the Cardinals on the road to the World Series win.  More inspiring than the world championship, though, is Carrie’s perspective on life.  She has recently been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, and doesn’t take a moment for granted.  So she takes trips to various parts of the globe, she goes home to cheer on her beloved Cardinals, she moved to Chicago to be closer to her boyfriend.  She has accepted the nuances of her new reality.  But at the same time, she doesn’t live in it–in the threat of what could come.  She just lives.  And it’s full and vibrant and hopeful and beautiful.

And this just in!  Carrie and I just corresponded on Facebook. When we visited, she was unemployed, and now she has a new job!  Congratulations, Carrie!

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